In the last two years of the pandemic, during the lockdown and restrictions, couples were faced with a harsh reality. Many partners have discovered that love alone is not enough to strengthen a harmonious and authentic life. First of all, self-knowledge, empathy and the mutual desire to build a strong and lasting couple are needed.
When life together means an imbalance between the mutual offers and expectations of the two partners, it is called simple and cruel, but true: toxic relationship
And in toxic relationships, sexual addiction plays a very big role in turning one of the partners into the captive of the other.
But what is a toxic relationship?
In the edition “What you don’t know about toxic relationships” produced by Antoaneta Banu for Click Pentru Femei, the guest, Violeta Moisă, Life and Relationship coach defines the toxic relationship as “the discrepancies between what is beneficial and useful for me and what I end up receiving and especially to accept, in a couple relationship”.
Toxic relationships are the inequities between what a partner offers or invests emotionally, without receiving anything in return. Or there is another type of partnership, in which in fact neither one nor the other offers anything affective, but they demand a lot from each other.
It is very important to understand that toxicity is a partnership that is accepted, not being the fault of a single person. “In the couple relationship, toxicity can be identified in three big attitudes: manipulation, lying, emotional, verbal and physical abuse. I have heard many times that there are couples where one of the partners loves more, compared to the other. I don’t want to destroy the myth of love, only that it is not enough. What we need to understand is that we have different ways of showing our love. And to understand even better the connection between love and toxicity in a couple, I give you an example: the relationship between a person who is not available to give emotionally and one who is afraid of loneliness. The latter will be the one who will give herself more, she will be willing to make even greater efforts for her partner, appearing in front of others as she, the one who loves more. Basically, it’s not about love. But accepting a toxic relationship out of fear of loneliness” says Violeta Moisă, Life and Relationship coach with 8 years of experience in couple relationships, personal freedom and femininity.
Toxic relationships are addictive, the strongest being the sexual one.
Such a couple, where the toxic relationship has the power of a drug, is the one in which one of the partners becomes sexually dependent on the other. And usually such a relationship appears in the life of the man who goes through the crisis of the age of 50. This man needs a much younger woman by his side to validate him, to reinvigorate his personality.
This age difference can also work for mature women who have much younger partners.
In both cases, hormones play a leading role. The younger, much more sexually active person will give the older partner that hormonal booster that will work as a youth and vitamin booster.
This connection sometimes took the form of passionate love. But it’s not love. It is a perverse mechanism that is formed from emotional intensity.
Emotional intensity turns into sexual intensity.
Sexual intensity determines attachment or the feeling of ultimate love.
“This is how a toxic relationship leads to sexual addiction, which we confuse with the ultimate love for which we are ready to do everything.” says Violeta Moisă.
It also shows that in such an addiction, the partner who will feel that he can only exist together with the other will also be the one who will lose himself, will be annihilated as a personality.
To learn more about toxic relationships, watch the full episode in this video.